Who Decided You Had to Do All of That?
Nov 10, 2026My mom was a saint.
She would be the first to drop off food if someone was grieving. She would be the first to lend a hand when someone was not fully able. And she was never too busy for anyone stopping over.
She was a saint.
And although I would love to be just like her, I am not. And I feel guilty for it.
I feel guilty about all the things I haven't done, even though nobody actually asked me to do them. Nobody is waiting on me to do them either.
Yes, I try. But when I don't get around to something, no one notices. No one is sitting at home wondering why I haven't dropped off a casserole, made that phone call, or stopped in for a visit.
It's just me, sitting in my guilt about not getting to it all.
But who decided I had to do all of that?
01 · YOUR BRAIN
The Weight of Expectations
Here's something interesting about our brains. We don't just carry the responsibilities we actually have. We also carry the expectations we place on ourselves.
Psychologists call the gap between who we are and who we believe we should be self-discrepancy.
And that gap can create guilt, frustration, and the constant feeling that we're falling short.
For me, that gap sometimes looks like my mom.
I grew up watching someone who seemed to have endless time and energy for everyone else. Somewhere along the way, I decided that's what being a good person looked like.
But here's what I'm learning. Just because someone else did something beautifully doesn't mean I have to do it exactly the same way.
And just because I haven't done something doesn't mean I've let anyone down.
Sometimes the only person keeping score is me.
02 · YOUR O.F.T.™
Who Says You Have To?
"Not everything you expect of yourself deserves a place on your to-do list." — Jen McCallum
Think about how many times you've said, "I should really..."
I should call that friend. I should volunteer more. I should have a cleaner house. I should be further ahead in my business. I should be doing more.
It's amazing how quickly those little expectations pile up.
And the funny thing is, we rarely stop to ask where they came from.
This week, your O.F.T.™ is to question one of those expectations.
Not because helping people or showing up for others isn't important. It absolutely is.
But there's a difference between doing something because it matters to you and doing something because you're afraid of feeling guilty if you don't.
I still want to be the kind of person my mom was. I still want to show up for people, help when I can, and make others feel loved.
But I'm beginning to realize I can honour who she was without expecting myself to be her.
03 · YOUR NEXT STEP FORWARD
Three Small Steps to Release the Pressure
1. PAUSE: Notice one thing you've been telling yourself you should do.
2. CHOOSE: Ask, "Does this really matter to me, or am I just feeling guilty?"
3. FINISH: Do it if it matters. Give yourself permission to let it go if it doesn't.
And maybe that's the real lesson for me this week.
My mom was a saint. I'm still working on being me.
And maybe that's enough.
THIS WEEK'S PROMPT
What's one expectation you've been carrying that nobody else is actually placing on you?
I'd love to hear your thoughts. You might be surprised how many of us are carrying the same guilt.
Here's to less pressure and more progress.
Jen
Pause. Choose. Finish.
P.S. If you're tired of carrying a never-ending list of things you think you should be doing, come join us inside the O.F.T.™ Club. We'll help you get clear on what matters and start making progress without all the pressure.
